People jump at every and any occasions to humble me. I’ve noticed it to be a pattern my whole life. Like from my parents to teachers to siblings, friends and lovers. I could do something amazing and people never really celebrate for me. Is it because I don’t celebrate my achievements? Or maybe I don’t celebrate myself enough but idk.
Lovers always told me they loved me but loved to cap their love for me. I could be going out with them and no compliments would be given from them. Until I’d get some while we’re out or via dm and when I’d bring up the whole affection thing they made me feel like I was the problem or I should be used to it so there’s no reason to get anything out of them. In general it always felt like getting anything out of them felt like pulling a tooth.
Do I not exist?
Am I someone that’s just not important to you. Sometimes people really make me feel invisible. Is it because my light is shining too much so they wanna dim it. It’s like I keep tapping around them like hey hey hey and they genuinely just ignore me. I don’t know why people are committed to being mean to me. I’m never mean to people regardless of the relationship level. I’m actually very kind and I wonder why I can’t ever have someone in a relationship match my kindness and love. It’s hard and rare. Sometimes I ask myself if it’s me, do I not deserve it?