Tired

How come when I bring up what I don’t like I always gotta suck it up. I’m tired of slowing down for people. I’m tired of feeling like I gotta dumb myself  down. Match my pace, I don’t always wanna be the brains of operations sometimes I wanna follow your operation.

I feel like I always gotta ignore my wants and needs for others’ comfort but what about mine? Why do I always have to be uncomfortable for people’s comfort?

How come they always gotta be comfortable while I’m doing constant somersaults and boiling on the inside. I deserve replies and answers. I’m honestly tired of being around people that are always drained and need my energy to be filled.

I’m working on a new approach this year. Making everything about my happiness. There was a time when I felt obligated to do things for people or obligated to make people happy. Now I’m saying “NO” way more often. I don’t want to do it. I don’t care who’s asking. People pleasing has resulted in me putting myself last. I want to try putting myself first for 6 months. Be disciplined, make those promises to myself, just work on myself for 6 months. If those results end up being worse than people pleasing then I’ll go back to people pleasing but at this point I’m at ground zero and I’d rather try something new then continue with the same destructive patterns. 

Xoxo