I’ve been spending so much time faulting others. Like yes people did me wrong and blah blah but honestly I’m tired of talking about it. I was sitting with myself the other day, and I’m honestly glad God cleared my path. He cleared all the distractions out of my life. I never actually thanked Him for it. I’ve been spending a lot of time on others (men).I know it’s plural because I was dealing with way too many of them emotionally, which got me drained. I didn’t even like them like that. Do you ever just stop and ask yourself if you even like someone? That was me, and then it was easier to cut them out of my life.
Anyway I feel like I’m recalibrating right now. Like I’m a new person. I’m no longer dealing with the past nor even want to. I’m just focusing on myself. Kinda like a new era.
I have all these wonderful things happening in my life right now, I might as well be thankful for it. I’m restarting all the activities I love and enjoy doing. It feels good to come back to yourself. Little by little and day by day I’m showing up for myself and it feels good to tick boxes out of my checklist daily.
I need and want to acknowledge God more. Talk to Him more. I’ve tried multiple times to do things without God and it was always so rough and hard. Always trying to control outcomes is exhausting. Now I’m just putting my faith in God. I deserve a good life. I deserve everything I want out of this life. I’m reinstating my goals and what I want out of life right now and a lot of the situations that were cleared were meant to be cleared.
I’m in a new space and honestly i don’t want to fuck it up. Especially because I don’t want to recreate the same patterns. I’ve mentioned it before but I really don’t want to live the same year next year. I am in need of an upgrade. In order to do so, I’ve been called to face the things I’ve been hiding and running from. For instance, I had so many parking tickets from my old car that I eventually needed to pay for them. I finally called the city to see how much I was at and honestly it’s a huge number but I’m not even upset. At least now I know what and how much I need to pay for. The reason I’m bringing this up is because I’m tired of running from myself. Just because I do not acknowledge my problems doesn’t mean they won’t exist or go away.
Little by little I’m getting myself together and it feels good, I’m facing the good and the bad. I know I haven’t been the best daughter, sister or friend but I know I try my best everyday for the people I am in community with. I am praying God keeps blessing me so I am able to keep going.
xoxo <3